Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Proper Ratio


Some housekeeping before you read today. I’ve finally launched my own website, patchus.co.uk; and the blog address will now be blog.patchus.co.uk. Visit both, and let me know what you thoughts.


For the record, I love dogs. I love dogs a lot, and act like Christmas has arrived when I see a dog on my side of the street. Two of my best friends just got a French bulldog, and I’ve already sent that thing two care packages (they have only owned her since October). Of course people always say ‘Oh just get a dog, why don’t you have a dog?”, my answer is simple “I’m not ready for that kind of commitment”, which is true. Getting home by six to let the dog out seems like a novel concept to me. But since I can’t have a dog, I find other ways to satisfy my dog needs.  Sometimes I’ll walk by dog parks just to see what is going on over there, with the subtle hope one breaks lose and I have to return it. Upon the return I start chatting up the owner who lets me into the inner dog circles (obviously sans dog, but come on people details details). There are some dog parks that wont even let you in without a dog (understandably). I also have a general rule that I wont do a presentation unless I can sneak in a dog into my presentation, but to be fair that has become my niche. I was all ok with this until recently; a co-worker sent me an instagram dog account to follow, and then it hit me, am I following too many dog accounts?



Enter exhibit A, the graph of  instagram to dog instagram ratios. The red line, titled ‘Full Blown Crazy’, really should be titled ‘Do you understand instagram’. Like clearly there are other instagram accounts, and if you only follow dog accounts, you clearly do not understand instagram. I mean, there is more variety like : Coffee, Cats, reposts from reddit and pictures of people eating food. The next level is ‘pretty crazy’ think of this as the cat lady style instagraming. If your feed is full of dog accounts, you need to spice things up, you clearly have too many dogs in your life. If there are ten pictures in your feed, more than two of them should not be dogs.  Kinda Crazy was dangerous range. If you get carried away, and just start following all the dog friends of your dog accounts you will easily slip into this range, guys (and gals) don’t do this. A rule I like to follow, choose your dog accounts wisely, because there is such a thing as too many. Normal is considered three accounts for every ten, seems pretty normal to me. The final category is just as important. A person who follows NO dog accounts is one of two people. He/She is either a cat person, and we all know how cat people are, or he/she is probably a serial killer (do note, not mutually exclusive). I mean who seriously does not like dogs, and does not like the occasional picture of a dog. I think my new friending feature will be the dog check, is this person following at least one dog account? If yes, you may proceed, if no, please try again.

No comments: